Tuesday, 29 July 2008
VOTE OF THANKS
During a wedding reception; the groom was called upon to give his response to his guests and it went like this: I want to first of all thank the Lord Almighty for creating my wife and to also thank the pastor and his wife for lending us their wedding rings. Special appreciation to my landlord who lent us his car. I am most grateful to my boss for approving the loan I used for the wedding. Big thanks to the committee of friends for the appeal fund they raised. Also to my brother?s wife, thank you for lending us your wedding gown. Am so grateful to the cake designer for the cake. I promised to return it tomorrow morning as agreed. Special thanks to my friends who brought food from their homes to help me feed you all
KFC CHICKEN
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope delcined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is, that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
FUNNY PROVERBS (2)
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to press on it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to If at first you don't
succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. rise above your principles.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Work is accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their
level of incompetence.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (The corollary is:
You never learn to pray until your kids learn to drive!)
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (Project
Management at its best).
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to press on it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to If at first you don't
succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. rise above your principles.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Work is accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their
level of incompetence.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (The corollary is:
You never learn to pray until your kids learn to drive!)
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (Project
Management at its best).
Sunday, 27 July 2008
TRUE MEANING OF SOME JOBS
1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
4. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
5. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
6. A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there.
7. A topologist is a someone who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and doughnut.
8. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
9. A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
10. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
11. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
12. A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
4. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
5. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
6. A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there.
7. A topologist is a someone who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and doughnut.
8. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
9. A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
10. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
11. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
12. A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Sunday, 20 July 2008
LEARN CHINESE IN 15 MINUTES
1) That's not right . . . Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive? . . . Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP . . . Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man . . .Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse . . . Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? . . Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table . . Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift . . . Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here . . . Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet . . .Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone . . . No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week . . . Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13) Staying out of sight . . . Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile . . .Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive . . . Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great . . . Fa Kin Su
2) Are you harboring a fugitive? . . . Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP . . . Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man . . .Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse . . . Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? . . Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table . . Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift . . . Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here . . . Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet . . .Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone . . . No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week . . . Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13) Staying out of sight . . . Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile . . .Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive . . . Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great . . . Fa Kin Su
SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realised that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence *AND LOSE*, he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woke him up when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up!"
He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woke him up when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up!"
Thursday, 10 July 2008
CANNED FOOD
This is Serious!
This incident happened recently in North Texas .
A woman went boating one Sunday taking with her some cans of coke which she put into the refrigerator of the boat. On Monday she was taken to the hospital and placed in the Intensive Care Unit. She died on Wednesday.
The autopsy concluded she died of Leptospirosis. This was traced to the can of coke she drank from, not using a glass. Tests showed that the can was infected by dried rat urine and hence the disease Leptospirosis.
Rat urine contains toxic and deathly substances. It is highly recommended to thoroughly wash the upper part of soda cans before drinking out of them. The cans are typically stocked in warehouses and transported straight to the shops without being cleaned.
A study at NYCU showed that the tops of soda cans are more contaminated than public toilets (i.e).. full of germs and bacteria. So wash them with water before putting them to the mouth to avoid any kind of fatal accident.
This incident happened recently in North Texas .
A woman went boating one Sunday taking with her some cans of coke which she put into the refrigerator of the boat. On Monday she was taken to the hospital and placed in the Intensive Care Unit. She died on Wednesday.
The autopsy concluded she died of Leptospirosis. This was traced to the can of coke she drank from, not using a glass. Tests showed that the can was infected by dried rat urine and hence the disease Leptospirosis.
Rat urine contains toxic and deathly substances. It is highly recommended to thoroughly wash the upper part of soda cans before drinking out of them. The cans are typically stocked in warehouses and transported straight to the shops without being cleaned.
A study at NYCU showed that the tops of soda cans are more contaminated than public toilets (i.e).. full of germs and bacteria. So wash them with water before putting them to the mouth to avoid any kind of fatal accident.
THE COMPLETE PROVERBS
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest:
As you shall make your bed so shall you ---- mess it up.
Better to be safe than ---- punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the ---- bug is close.
It's always darkest before ---- daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of ---- termites.
You can lead a horse to water but ---- how?
Don't bite the hand that ---- looks dirty.
No news is ---- impossible.
A miss is as good as a ---- Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new ---- math.
If you lie down with the dogs, you'll ---- stink in the morning.
The pen is mightier than the ---- pigs.
An idle mind is ---- the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke, there's ---- pollution.
Happy the bride who ---- gets all the presents!
A penny saved is ---- not much.
Two's company, three's ---- the Musketeers.
Don't put off till tomorrow what ---- you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ---- you have to blow your nose.
Children should be seen and not ---- spanked or grounded.
You get out of something what you ---- see pictured on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind ---- get out of the way.
A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest:
As you shall make your bed so shall you ---- mess it up.
Better to be safe than ---- punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the ---- bug is close.
It's always darkest before ---- daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of ---- termites.
You can lead a horse to water but ---- how?
Don't bite the hand that ---- looks dirty.
No news is ---- impossible.
A miss is as good as a ---- Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new ---- math.
If you lie down with the dogs, you'll ---- stink in the morning.
The pen is mightier than the ---- pigs.
An idle mind is ---- the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke, there's ---- pollution.
Happy the bride who ---- gets all the presents!
A penny saved is ---- not much.
Two's company, three's ---- the Musketeers.
Don't put off till tomorrow what ---- you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ---- you have to blow your nose.
Children should be seen and not ---- spanked or grounded.
You get out of something what you ---- see pictured on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind ---- get out of the way.
AIRPORT SECURITY
A study was recently conducted to determine the average crime rate at international airports around the world. the study made use of an ordinary looking man, standing in the airport terminal reading a newspaper. he had an empty briefcase beside him, which he ignored. observers then recorded how long it took for the briefcase to be snatched. in Brussels, the case was stolen within 4minutes and 20seconds. in Washington DC, the case was stolen within 3minutes and 16seconds. at Heathrow, the case was snatched in less than 2minutes. in Newyork, the case was stolen within 1minute 5seconds. in Los Angeles, it took only 33seconds before it was snatched. at Lagos, the people conducting the study were robbed on their way to the airport.
READING AND THE BRAIN
Can you raed tihs? So far 3 8 plepoe can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was
rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a
wrod
are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht t he frsit and lsat ltteer be in
the
rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it
whotuit
a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter
by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas
tghuhot
slpeling was ipmorantt!
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was
rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a
wrod
are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht t he frsit and lsat ltteer be in
the
rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it
whotuit
a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter
by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas
tghuhot
slpeling was ipmorantt!
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
WAIT TO MAKE A KILL IN STOCKS
The best speculators search only for the very best opportunities. To be truly successful, you must wait for the right opportunities to present themselves and this often means doing nothing for long periods of time
This is clear enough, just take your time to look, wait patiently, lay an ambush, watch your traps until you spot very excellent opportunities, then strike like lightening, hit with a sledge hammer!
This is clear enough, just take your time to look, wait patiently, lay an ambush, watch your traps until you spot very excellent opportunities, then strike like lightening, hit with a sledge hammer!
DONT LISTEN TO EVERY ADVICE
One of the quickest ways to lose money in the market is to listen to others and all of their so-called expert opinions. To succeed, you must ignore all outside opinions and predictions. Follow your own strategy!
Its not as if I am insisting that you close your eyes and ears to the market, just listen to news, analyst reports, your stock broker, etc but do your own thing, you only knows your personality more than others.
Its not as if I am insisting that you close your eyes and ears to the market, just listen to news, analyst reports, your stock broker, etc but do your own thing, you only knows your personality more than others.
DONT BE GREEDY IN THE STOCK MARKET
• Perfection has no role in successful stock trading. No one can buy at the absolute lowest price and sell at the highest price. No time or effort should be devoted to that goal. "I never bought a stock at the low or sold one at the high in my life. I am satisfied to be along for most of the ride."
This is where many investors get it wrong, trying to buy stocks at the cheapest price ever and selling them at the highest possible price. The risk of all these is that you will never get to buy most of your orders either because the price you are offering is too low for purchases or too high for your sell orders. Don’t be greedy!
This is where many investors get it wrong, trying to buy stocks at the cheapest price ever and selling them at the highest possible price. The risk of all these is that you will never get to buy most of your orders either because the price you are offering is too low for purchases or too high for your sell orders. Don’t be greedy!
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